I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
