I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i was born a porn star she said
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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