do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
