Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
