my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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