the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
