when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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