why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
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In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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