he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
