you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
