He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
