I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I look excited, but its just a facade.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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