Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize