..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Ketchup is God's man juice
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
