how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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