That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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