So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We are all done wearing pants today
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
