so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
