Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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