I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
