What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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