So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
