problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
