I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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