she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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