she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
