I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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