tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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