are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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