i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I skipped work to stalk him.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
