I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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