Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
