She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
