I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
