Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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