just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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