she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
