Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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