Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
sarcasm needs its own font
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Someone shattered a urinal.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
