OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
