I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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