listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
