i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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