You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
