im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Randomize
