she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
