I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
