I must be too annoying 4 u.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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