The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
