we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
