He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize