Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
