dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
