susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
