I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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