Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
