Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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