the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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