I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
