yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
