no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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