Your tits are I can't wait for
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
