Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
