Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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