i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
