you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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