I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
