It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
