Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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