I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
